I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
