She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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