Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
