Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You are a genius and a whore.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
