i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
