That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A bitchslap is in order.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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