batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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