So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
