i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
