I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
two words: eviction party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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