i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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