what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
