so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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