Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
