remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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