I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
