I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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