Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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