as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
