It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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