Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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