Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
