If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
