Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
