When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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