I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i came on her dog
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
