Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
