yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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