The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
