I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
