get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
