So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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