I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
