I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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