I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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