you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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