Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
