Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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