Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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