I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
