she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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