I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
