why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
