More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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