you guys were way drunker than both of me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
