At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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