i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
