take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize