u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
