Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
