yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
