He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
