4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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