I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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