I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
