I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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