True but thats because hes a fetus.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
