She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
