On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
