Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
