I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
