She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
