Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
