hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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