six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.