i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
only you would photoshop your dick
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk