The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?