Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
