My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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