You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
